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* WARNING There are details in this article that may trigger anxiety. *
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Caveat
The information in this article is not pleasant and I advise you to be cautious of reading it. It is potentially triggering for survivors of abuse, and frightening for children.
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TESTIMONY OF CHILDHOOD SATANIC ABUSE IN PERTH, WESTERN AUSTRALIA .
From a survivor
PART FOUR
In trying to help my son to be protected from his father I went to so many people in the system who did that to me, and at that point I didn't understand that the system was so infiltrated by these abusers. And because I wasn't consciously aware of how many there were; every time I came across one I would be in emotional denial of who they really were. My instincts would be going "Whoa! This isn't very safe." But my desperation would drive me to try and trust them and open up and tell them everything. So many of them had that reaction where they are not with you, looking straight at you and not talking to you as a person. They are talking at a situation, they are 'dealing with' a situation.
Again with my godfather ***** he booked himself into a C class hospital over on the beach in Mosman Park/Cottesloe because he was so depressed that he requested electric shock therapy. Apparently his depression extended to not wanting any of his friends to visit him or have contact, When I say friends I mean the old masonic men of the group. The impression I have for the reason behind this was the same as my father, that he had come to a point where he saw what he had done and couldn't escape from the emotional guilt and psychic consequences of it. They can't escape the depression and the remorse and the terror of who they have been, of what they have done to people. Carrying around the guilt of that horrible secret inside with no one to talk to to confess to because one of their biggest fears is that they will get caught. Because they are no longer aligned with their behaviour they no longer morally feel it is justifiable, the terror of being caught is much increased. Now they have a conscience that is eating at them as well. So shock therapy becomes a solution. He was in this place for about 7 years and for all that time I kept saying to myself I would go and see him and face it. I kept saying "What I'll do is I will go there..." And at that stage I thought that he may have been my biological father; that he must have had me with my mother, as she said later that my father, ***** had accused her of having me with him because I was so dark and looked so different from my other sisters in colouring. My mother seemed to feel bitter about this accusation. I thought that I would go to him and say "I know that you are my father and I remember that you abused me and all the things you did to me and to others. I remember you killing and eating babies bodies. But I have come to tell you that I forgive you I forgive you not because I feel forgiveness for what you have done, but because I need to move on and progress beyond these horrors into another realm. The only way I can move on is if I forgive you unconditionally, it is not an emotional forgiveness, not a loving forgiveness it's an act of forgiveness and I mean it 100%. I recognise that you need forgiveness to heal and that I need to forgive for the same reason. The reason I never went is because I was terrified that I would probably have a heart attack when I saw him. The denial I have had one, to stop me remembering things (I didn't remember until my dad died when I was 30) and the denial even that I have kept in the last 10 years. I was afraid that if I saw him physically and I was in the same room as him that the denial would all lift off in one moment. The same feeling as when you have an encounter with a different sort of being. The type of terror is there that you feel as if your mind will blow up or your body will blow up with the impact of the terror you are feeling, the uncontrollable amount of energy that is there. That's why I never went just because I was terrified of that moment when I first set eyes on him, it would be like setting eyes on the devil. That he might be able to get me even though he was an old man and he was in a bed or however he was. Just his eyes, I was terrified, anyway he died in March and then I cried. I cried because I felt I had lost an opportunity to confront the truth and I want the truth more because of the cleansing aspect the clarification of what is a delusion and what is an imagination and what is a fact. I want to get at the facts so that I can stop feeling polluted by all the programming of "OH it's your imagination or you're delusional or you are trying to get attention." My mum was always saying when I was a child you are always in your imagination or you are just imagining or you are a hypochondriac. Her way of shutting me up was to put shit on me. She still does it, but now I am stronger and I just give her a few hints that I could say a lot more if she is not careful and she just shuts up really quick.
(I have) two sisters, one brother that died early, born dead, the story is that my mum got pregnant between my older sister and me, she would have called him Paul, it was around 3- 4 months, and after I remembered all this thing I thought they might have taken that baby from her; I don't know that, that occurred to me. I forgot about what they did to my mum, I didn't tell you what I saw them doing to my mum. My father was married to my mum first but during that 13-year marriage my dad was having an affair with my mum's best friend *****. My mum found out about it after 7 years and they agreed they would go back to their respective spouses and mum found out in another 5 years that they hadn't stopped their relationship. ***** had 4 children the last one is dad's daughter so that I have one half-sister. So I have one older sister and one younger sister, ***** (a) who are mum and dad's and then ***** the half sister who is ***** (a's) age.
When I gave birth to my second son my older sister was at the birth and as the pain got worse the baby was tearing me inside and I was screaming in complete agony. My sister who was beside me kept fainting. After a while they took her out and put her on a stretcher in the corridor. The trauma she felt of hearing me screaming took her a year to get over. She later said that she didn't want to see me afterwards because it was too difficult to deal with. The only thing she ever said about why it was so disturbing for her, was that it reminded her of hearing me scream when I was little, in childhood. Now I never screamed that I remember, at home, in pain, ever so obviously I had done a lot of screaming under ritual abuse that my sister had overheard or witnessed and it was triggering memories for her. My dad and mum never tortured me in our family home in front of my sister that I can consciously remember. We got hit by my mum, but the level of screaming that I did in the hospital was of some one being tortured on the rack, and that's what she said she attributed to our childhood, and she says dad didn't abuse us, she's a heroin addict, she can't deal with that.
She's got a lot of stuff and that's how she keeps it down with the heroin. So she has never admitted to me but I have seen her go into some states where I know she is so close to remembering everything. Like one night when I was at her house about 2 years... 1 ½ years after having the baby we were talking about our childhood and she was talking about the abuse of our mother towards her and I just let her talk because you know they had said I was a schizophrenic for what I told them and I remembered so I just let her talk and she was talking about her mum/our mum abusing her and she was really getting into it and I was thinking this is good for her at least she is getting into something, doesn't matter who it is as long as she is starting to remember things. All of a sudden because she was so vulnerable she started going "no, no get it off my back" and she looked as though something had attached to her back and was sort of had its claws, talons, or to me I saw in my mind, my minds eye, I saw some sort of flying thing like a bat and that's the way she was reacting, with absolute terror as if she was being attacked by some creature and she was screaming and running around the room in a panic trying to get this thing off her back and in the end she dived onto a bed and she was going like this, (actions) get it off me, get it off me, " and I thought to myself well she hasn't got the strength to remember now more of this, hasn't got the strength to confront this and so I thought she would probably go crazy if I do anything to push her further, so I decided to suddenly laugh? To dispel the evil feeling that was in the room, so I just started to laugh and make light of it and "Oh" you know, " And that was weird, and ..". Then she started talking about our 2nd cousin who I think had had a conversation with my sister, she started to say ***** had the same experience its foggy now but it had been in the family somewhere else that one of our 2nd cousins who's dad's age had had a similar type of experience as *****. And neither of them understood it.
That's as much as...I mean, the sisters haven't really remembered.
There's a lot of children of these men that come from the Peppermint Grove, Dalkeith, Claremont Society and every time I bump into them in life which is very, very seldom they are so screwed up they're either drug addicts or they're in abuse situations or they've gone crazy, getting mental treatment in and out of mental hospital, just there aren't any healthy ones mainly they've got drug addictions. In every family there's one that seems to have it.
* At this point we took a break. I had purposely decided not to ask the witness any questions. I had also determined not to react to anything that she said or did. I wanted to allow her to speak completely freely and she did. Except for a couple of brief moments when she broke down in tears she hardly stopped to draw breath.
The second half of the audio and video taped interview would be different. I wanted to ask some questions:
